I have been thinking a lot about healthy boundaries and self-esteem lately.

I have a unique personality, and in recent years, I have grown to really appreciate the special way God made me. Growing up, I often felt like an outsider and hence felt insecure about some of my unique qualities. Now, I have friends appreciate me for my uniqueness, and I am very blessed to have friends who encourage me in who I am. I value the way God made me, and I can see how He is works through me to help others because of the distinctive way He designed me.

To my occasional frustration and disappointment, there are many people who do not “get” me or who are put off by my personality, my confidence, my uniqueness, my intelligence, and my ambition. A lot of people remark that I am intimidating. I am not sure why this is the case, and when I ask for feedback, people are unable to articulate why they feel that way.

Most of the time, I do not care what strangers think. There are many people who will not like me; I am not for everybody. But I am at times sensitive to negative comments, because the evil one will always find ways to use our circumstances to affirm the lies that we’ve always believed about ourselves. I seem to be particularly sensitive to comments made by men who are potential dates or with whom I am in a relationship, as I am opening myself up to these people and sharing some of my heart.

Interestingly, I am not alone in these struggles. There is a website called the INTJ forum where other people who, like me, have a Myers-Briggs personality type of INTJ can discuss various issues.

One woman wrote,

“An INTJ’s independence or self-reliance, I think, is viewed by men as threatening because it diminishes their importance/increases their insecurity. Basically, they will do anything they can to take you down a notch, whether it’s innocuous criticisms about your unmanicured nails, or fooling around with other women.”

And another woman wrote,

“I’ve also had many experiences with guys saying they don’t understand me, that I’m too serious, that I need to smile, that I am an enigma, etc., but that just means they don’t get me, and I lose interest in someone like that in a heartbeat.”

A third wrote,

“It is frustrating to be told repeatedly how I’m hot, successful, sexually desirable, intelligent, and then be put in the ‘do not love’ category. I can only attribute this to the perception on men’s part that, because I don’t display girlish traits like affection or dependency or flirtatious behavior, I don’t have any real need for anyone else’s love.”

I am so glad that there are others with whom I can relate. To be continued tomorrow. . .