Home Is

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have been thinking. Specifically, I have been thinking about home and the meaning of home.

This concept has intrigued me for most of my life, particularly my adult life. I have never really felt at home anywhere. I desire to find a feeling of home, yet at times it seems so unattainable, which is a source of despair and frustration at times.

I did not feel wanted or accepted in my parents’ house, although I suppose that was the closest approximation of home I have ever experienced. I ran away from this “home” one time as a teenager. I did not feel a sense of belonging there.

I remember in graduate school, when we covered the lesson on Adlerian psychology, and my professor said that everyone is looking for a sense of belonging. That was the first time I ever realized that I was not alone in the way I felt. I began to realize that a vast majority of people do not feel like they fit in, they are seeking a feeling of belonging and community and significance.

Since moving out of my parents house fourteen years ago, I have moved from place to place, often living with a roommate, and sometimes living alone, and while I have lived in places I enjoyed and some I did not, I never felt at home in any of these places.

One of the reasons I desire to be married is that I long for a sense of home, someone to come home to, a place where I feel I belong, and someone who is looking forward to seeing me each day.

Zach Braff, as Andrew Largeman, in “Garden State,” which is one of my favorite movies, describes home.

You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day, one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

To Braff/Largeman, home is not a house, but it is an imaginary place whose members get homesick and miss each other.

My pastor talked about home at our recent Easter service. He said that home is a place where one receives unconditional love, and that we are all seeking unconditional love. My pastor averred that much of our behavior, whether glorifying to God or sinful, is a quest to find unconditional love.

I have a friend who is an alcoholic. He tried sobriety for six months, and at that time, he reported that he felt very good and clear and goal-directed. But later, when he went back to drinking, he let the alcoholism convince him that he did not like the period of sobriety, specifically because he did not feel like he fit in (because he did not try to make any sober friends at the time, perhaps he was not equipped to do so). For many, alcohol is a social lubricant that helps people find a sense of belonging, albeit a superficial sense, since people are not really authentic while drunk.

This time in my life is when I have found the greatest sense of community and belonging. I am a daughter of God, and as such, I have many brothers and sisters in Christ. I have wonderful friends, and I no longer feel like a social outcast. Yet we typically do not come home to our friends. We leave them at the end of the day and head. . . home. At my core, on a very basic level, I long for home.

    • Tonjia Rolan
    • April 18th, 2010

    Home is not a place. Home lies within you. Home happens when you are at peace with you, then you take Home with you wherever you go, and you are always at home, where ever you are.

    We are all homesick for that place we’ve never been before. Where unconditional love fulfills all of our needs. But that place does not exist. We create it in our own hearts, and our own minds, by making the conscious decision to give ourselves unconditional love, and to give ourselves the very thing we have been searching for outside of ourselves, complete acceptance, understanding, self forgiveness. We essentially become our own perfect parent, and fulfill our own needs.

    We will never be home as long as we expect someone else to meet our needs, and provide for us the self love which can only come from within us.

    Much love

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