More INTJ in Relationships

Here are some more notes on INTJs in relationships and dating.

Some of the following information is borrowed from the INTJ forum, where nerds like me discuss the traits associated with the Myers-Briggs personality type Introverted-iNtuitive-Thinking-Judging (INTJ).

How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone?

Initially, INTJs act alternately friendly and distant, for no apparent reason. This is the stage where they recognize that you are appealing, but they are unable to step up to the plate.

If you display vulnerability, such as by telling stories about yourself that you would only share with someone you trust, and the INTJ responds in kind, they are hooked. Keep in mind that “In kind” for an INTJ means that they reveal one intimate thing about themselves for each 10 or so that you do.

INTJs will reveal some particularly geeky thing about themselves to you, to see your response. This is a test. To pass, you need to be totally casual about the information, and if possible, have your own silliness to toss out, or at least be able to say something to show that you are not going to run away from this weirdness.

INTJs will poke around tentatively trying to find out if you like them long before they will express any such feelings themselves.

They will create super-sized, super-capable, idealized images of you, leaving you at somewhat of a loss. The imaginary you is supposedly a very direct, very honest, very congruent, very dependable person.

They will spend countless hours explaining their highly ordered way of thinking and lines of logic to you, like, “I like you so much that I’ve actually granted you the temporary privilege to have a sneak-peak into the *real* world – MY world. P.S.: You can thank me later.”

They will flirt with all the people they do not care about, but will find it strangely impossible to flirt with you if they are attracted to you.

They will sit you down and put you through the long form Myers-Briggs test.

They will conduct research on the INTJ forum and/or other personality websites to learn how to best understand you.

    • aimee
    • November 21st, 2010

    oh that is hilarious! because it’s true!!! especially the conducting research and making them take the mbti!

    • joel
    • December 15th, 2010

    LOL!! it’s so true! especially the last 3 parts. I’m an INTJ and I really do get along with those people that I am not attracted with, but I really find it difficult and somehow get an awkward feeling if I am with the person which I am attracted with. Btw, the person which I am attracted with is also a female INTJ and I’m a male of course. She also seems reserved as I am and cold and morbid, but I usually makes her laugh with my humor somehow. :))

    • Anonymous
    • November 2nd, 2011

    I was just thinking of doing the last 3 parts then I read it. Hilarious. Hey at least we can laugh about ourselves! Being an INTJ is awesome 🙂

    • Manuela Ludorf
    • November 15th, 2012

    Reblogged this on My stupid little World und kommentierte:
    Add your thoughts here… (optional)

    • Mary
    • December 5th, 2012

    I’m an INTJ and I can’t flirt for the life of me – I’ll just act indifferent to the person I like. I also become obsessive about the person, in terms of wanting to know EVERYTHING about them – so when someone asks me why I like them I could provide a detailed list, whereas others would respond with “they’re cute” or “he’s funny”; but of course I’d also provide similar responses just to accomodate the audience and to not come off as somebody who may require sectioning or a restraining order.

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    • Anonymous
    • February 16th, 2014

    I can’t believe all of this are describing my approach to relationships. I actually do not express my feelings when I like the person even though I sense it from that individual. I’ll just continue to observe, be distant, play hard to get to confirm that assumptions are right. hahaha, thanks for posting this.

    It made me more grateful and confident to be an INTJ. Peace out.

  1. April 25th, 2010
    Trackback from : My Nemesis, the ESFP «
  2. August 20th, 2011
    Trackback from : What the Heck is an INTJ? «

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